I'm crushed. I'm broken. My heart has been shattered into a million little pieces.
While we were house hunting in California last week my precious little Daisy died unexpectedly in her sleep while boarding. She was 16 years old. She had a few health problems that were being managed with medication. But she was playing and purring and eating and snuggling and acting like a completely normal, happy, healthy cat before we left. There was not even the slightest hint that something so tragic was about to happen. It was a shocking blow to hear the news that she was gone.
I boarded her and Cassi (19 years old) at the vet because of their age and they're both on medication. I also boarded Bailey because he and Daisy are inseparable best friends and I didn't want them to have to be apart. That didn't work out so well....
And all I can do now is torture myself with questions. Was Daisy terrified the last few days of her life because she was boarding and not at home? Did the anxiety of boarding cause this to happen? Did she think her Mommy abandoned her? Was there something else we could have done for her? Some other test? Some other medication? Something that would have prevented this?
It gives me small comfort to know that she peacefully died in her sleep and that she was sharing a "condo" with her best friend but I will never get over the fact that I never got to say goodbye. I never got to see her one last time. I didn't get to hold her and tell her I love her and be the last thing she saw before she left us.
And in a bizarre twist of fate, that was the same day we found our dream house in California. So what should have been one of the happiest days ever ended up being a tie for "worst day of my life" with the day that Max died. I know life has ups and downs. And sometimes they're really big ups and downs. But wow.....have you ever had them both on the same day?
Yesterday we had her funeral. Col. Sew Fab took me to a private pet cremation service three hours away. It was almost as traumatic as the day I got the terrible news. It's just so final. Daisy doesn't exist anymore...
I am exhausted. I can't sleep. I can't think clearly. And we are moving across the country in four weeks. It's just too much to deal with all at once.
You've probably already figured out that my pets are not just pets to me. They ARE my family. They ARE my babies. I like them more than most people I know. Sorry. I know that's not an appropriate thing to say but it's true. My life revolves around my fur babies and they are spoiled and loved and treated like the earth revolves around them.
I am so glad I've always been someone who drops what they're doing if one of their pets wants attention. I've always known that I never wanted to look back and say "why did I ignore a fur baby who was begging for attention because I was busy folding laundry or paying bills or doing some other mundane task?" The trivial tasks will always be there. But your loved ones won't.
So give your fur babies some extra attention today. Even if you are overwhelmed with tons of other stuff to do you will NEVER regret taking some extra time out of your day to take your dog out to play or snuggle with your purring cat.